Up All Night
by emjem18
Summary: "I, I keep thinking the Black Mercy is still there," Kara whispered. She looked down at her hands and tried to keep her composure "Every time I try and close my eyes I see it. I see it falling on me and then I just…I wake up screaming."


**This has spoilers for the last episode so if you haven't read it just beware! I'm not too satisfied with this and the ending is kind of angsty but I couldn't help it.**

"I think that weird alien with the Edward Scissorhands took a piece of my hair!" Kara crowed as she carefully inspected her blonde locks, not exactly paying attention to where she was walking. "Do you think it's trying to clone me?" Her eyes widened, lips slipping into a pout when she realized Hank and Alex were a good three feet ahead, not even listening to a word she was saying.

She felt like such a little sister as she scurried up to the two, trying to eavesdrop on the conversation so she could participate. The last week had been pretty rough and Kara hadn't had a full night's rest in days. Normally it didn't bother her but this time, it was starting to weigh her down. She was starting to get loopy and anxious.

"We should get some food!" Kara interjected after Hank mentioned something about having a report to write. "Noonan's has 25 cent buffalo wings on Thursdays!" She looked between Alex and Hank pleadingly. "And you two can get a drink and unwind and I'll just…pretend like alcohol has an effect on me."

Alex looked at her sister dismissively. "We have a report to write. And," she added in after looking down at her watch, "it's midnight. Noonan's won't be open."

"Well, there are other places!"

"You should go home and rest," Hank said in his reluctant fatherly tone that Kara had begun to recognize.

Kara subconsciously touched the bags under her eyes and sighed. Every time she tried closing her eyes at night, the black mercy would immediately cloud her thoughts and unearth the painful experience of being back on Krypton and having to say goodbye to her family _again_. It didn't help that Alex was being super distant and kind of strange. Kara understood it was traumatizing for her as well so she didn't want to burden her sister with her problems but she really needed Alex. Badly.

"Are you forgetting I'm Kryptonian?" Kara laughed dramatically. She closed her mouth when Hank and Alex stared at her like she was crazy. "I don't need rest. I need buffalo wings."

Alex took in her sister's slightly bedraggled appearance and sighed. Part of it was her fault. Kara had called her at least four times in the middle of the night but she ignored it. She couldn't listen to her sister cry about Astra. The guilt was still eating away but there was no right time to tell Kara the truth. It would only break them apart and Alex didn't want to experience that, especially since she almost lost Kara forever three days ago.

"You should get some sleep," Alex pointed out stoically. "Have you slept at all in the past few days?"

Kara just shrugged and drooped her shoulders, forcing a smile when Agent Vasquez excused herself while walking between the three of them. "Maybe my friend Agent Vasquez wants to get some buffalo wings!"

Hank decided now was a good time to duck out and left Alex to deal with her loopy little sister.

"Do you even know Agent Vasquez's first name?" Alex asked, the amusement evident in her tone.

"Yes," Kara answered stiffly. "I do."

Alex placed her hands on her hips and smirked. "Then what is it?"

Kara took a moment to clear her throat. "I know her name," she said with a slight laugh, trying to subtly zero in on Vasquez to read her badge. But Alex cleared her throat and she was forced to abandon that plan. "It's Agent."

"Go home, Kara," Alex said with a genuine laugh. It was her first laugh since Kara passed out after eating fifteen pot stickers and Jimmy, in his slight drunken glory, had to carry her to bed. "You need to sleep."

"So do you," Kara countered. "You look just as bad as me. Maybe worse."

Alex swatted her sister with the manila folder she was holding. "Watch it." She wrapped Kara in a hug and frowned when she held on tight. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"You should go home too," Kara whispered, not wanting to let go. She hooked her chin over Alex's shoulder and reveled in the warmth of her sister's embrace. It had only been three days since they spent more than five minutes together but it felt like years.

"I have a report to write," Alex pointed out softly, pulling away from her sister. She took a breath when Kara gripped her forearms pleadingly. "Get home safe."

Kara swallowed past the lump in her throat as Alex gently pulled her arms free and turned on her heel to head toward her office. That was it. She contemplated following Alex to further delay the return to her apartment but protesting at this point seemed fruitless. Her sister wasn't going to listen.

She purposely flew the long way home.

Her heart gently began to pound against her chest as she reached her apartment building. The street was dull and dark, save for the brightly lit apartment on the fourth floor. Kara couldn't will herself to turn off the lights the last few days. Her electricity bill was going to be massive this month.

Kara took a breath and flew in, quickly locking the window behind her. She went over each window in the apartment and triple checked that everything was locked. Jimmy thankfully fixed the lock on the front door and she couldn't help but lock it and then unlock it a few more time to make sure it was set.

She felt so childish. What kind of grown woman was afraid to sleep in her own apartment? Only an hour prior she was incinerating large aliens and rescuing a family from their car that was hanging off the overpass of the highway. How could she be afraid of the dark?

Even though her bed looked so comfortable and inviting, Kara couldn't do it. She ran her hand over the freshly washed comforter (thanks to Alex) and sighed. She threw the suit off and replaced it with her favorite pair of pajamas. The light detergent scent radiating off the fabric was oddly comforting. It was the same one Eliza used when they were growing up. Kara was going to have to buy her sister and friends gifts for not only doing her laundry, but for also cleaning her whole apartment. It hadn't looked this clean since the day she moved in.

Kara collapsed on the couch and flipped on the TV, settling on some re-run of _The Nanny_. She held a throw pillow tight to her chest and rested her head on the arm of the couch, trying to keep her mind off things. But when the show went to a commercial, her gaze flitted upwards to make sure nothing was lurking.

It was safe. She was safe.

 _Did you get home okay?_

Kara frowned as her phone vibrated on the coffee table. Alex wasn't a big texter; she always preferred talking on the phone. She decided to call her sister back instead to get Alex back for all the times she answered her texts with a phone call.

Alex answered right before Kara was going to hang up. "Hi."

"Hi," Kara replied quietly, lowering the volume on the TV.

"I'm assuming you got home okay?" There was clanging in the background and Kara giggled when she heard Alex curse. "What took you so long?"

"I just wanted to clear my head."

"I think a good night's sleep will do just that. Go to bed, okay?"

"But-" Kara went to protest but stopped when it seemed like Alex wasn't listening due to the incessant typing noise on the other end. "Okay. Night."

"I love you."

Kara bit her lip and buried her face into the pillow. "Yeah," she whispered. "I love you too."

She hung up the phone and dragged herself to bed. Maybe Alex was right. Maybe all she needed was a good night's rest to clear her head. She took off her glasses and pulled the covers back, shrouding herself with the warm blankets in an attempt to keep herself safe and calm.

The lights stayed on as Kara felt her eyes drooping. She gave in to the exhaustion, clutching the blankets tightly as she drifted off.

But ten minutes later, she woke up screaming. Again.

* * *

"You should take your own advice." Alex looked up from her computer and squinted to see Hank lingering in the doorway. "Go home and get some rest."

Alex took a large sip of her lukewarm coffee and laughed. "You sound like Kara."

"This isn't healthy, Agent Danvers," Hank said softly. He crossed his arms and watched his best agent drop her head to rest on the table. "Your sister needs you. More than ever. You can't shut her out like this."

"I'm not shutting her out," Alex argued weakly. "I'm just…burying myself in work so I don't have to face the fact that I killed Astra."

"As far as we're concerned, _I'm_ the one who killed Astra," Hank said hotly. "Don't let that weigh on you, Alex."

"Sir, no offense, but it's all I see when I close my eyes."

"You did the right thing."

Alex sucked in a breath and dabbed her watery eyes. "Then how come it hurts so much?"

Hank's reply was cut off by the awkward thud out in the hall. He turned around and saw Kara stumbling against the wall, trying to ease herself up.

"Ms. Danvers? What are you doing?"

Kara laughed awkwardly. "It's fine. I tripped. No big deal."

"You're supposed to be at home resting."

"Okay, dad, listen," Kara continued to laugh. It was getting harder and harder to control her exhaustion.

Hank caught Kara as she stumbled forward again. He grit his teeth and guided her into Alex's office, forcing her to sit on the plush leather couch. "I believe this belongs to you, Agent Danvers."

Alex swiveled around in her chair and sighed. "Kara," she began in disappointment and slight concern. Kara was on the verge of tears. "You're supposed to be sleeping."

"Alex," Kara whimpered. "I can't."

"Can't or won't?" Alex recognized Kara's sheepish face as the face she wore her first year on earth whenever it came time for bed. The alien would do anything to evade sleep.

Kara just shrugged and wrapped her cape around herself to lay back. "A little bit of both."

"Why?" Alex rolled closer, nodding to Hank when he motioned that he was going to go so they could have some privacy. She brushed the hair out of her sister's face and rubbed her arm.

"I just can't," Kara lied, closing her eyes when she felt the tears coming. "Can I sleep in your office while you do your report? I don't want to go home. I don't want to be alone."

Alex bit her lip and reached for the blanket shoved in a corner. "Will my typing bother you?"

"No."

"Want me to shut the light off?"

"No!" Kara answered quickly, startling Alex. "No. It's fine. Leave it on. Please."

Alex grabbed Kara's hand and ran her thumb over her sister's knuckles to help calm her. She could tell the younger girl was fighting sleep. "Should I read my report to you? That might help you fall asleep."

"Maybe," Kara snorted. "What's it about?"

Alex turned around in the chair and quickly xed out the document when she realized it was Astra's death report. She couldn't bring herself to write a detailed paragraph on what steps she took to deescalate the situation before killing Astra.

"Nothing interesting," Alex whispered, giving Kara's hand a squeeze. "Something about the benefits of-"

"No thanks," Kara giggled tiredly, finally letting her eyes shut. Within a minute, she was passed out cold, much to Alex's relief.

Alex held on tight to Kara's hand, watching her little sister's face finally relax. Kara's chest slowly heaved up and down gracefully, her eyes fluttering a bit. Alex watched her sister for a solid ten minutes; only pulling her hand free when she knew Kara was sound asleep.

She reluctantly went back to her report and lightly typed on the keyboard, deleting and re-typing the reason for Astra's death over and over again.

"No!"

Alex jumped in her chair and turned around to see Kara shooting up on the couch, her breathing ragged and heavy. "Hey, hey," she whispered, rolling back over to her sister and clasping her right shoulder. "You're okay."

"I, I," Kara stuttered, but stopped when she looked at Alex.

"You're safe," Alex promised. She perched herself on the edge of the couch and pulled Kara into her arms, trying not to wince when her sister held on so tight that her back cracked. "You're safe."

"I'm safe," Kara had to repeat while she buried her face into the crook of her sister's neck. "I'm safe." She closed her eyes when Alex rubbed soothing circles on her back.

When Kara eventually pulled away, Alex made sure to hold her at arm's length. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Kara just shook her head and picked at the blanket tangled between her legs.

Alex knew what to do. "Fine," she sighed playfully, poking Kara's side. "How about we go back to my place and order crappy Chinese food from the sketchy place across the street from my apartment?"

"I like that much better," Kara whispered, smiling when Alex gave her a gentle shove. She pulled herself off the couch and suppressed a yawn. "I mean, it's not Buffalo wings but I suppose it'll do."

* * *

"Do you want this?"

Alex held the last potsticker in front of Kara's face, knowing she had to resort to bribery to get her sister to talk. After she picked up the food and met Kara at her place, the younger girl insisted they leave all the lights on in the apartment and turn the TV up to an outrageous volume. Alex was going to have to apologize to her neighbors tomorrow.

Kara's eyes widened. "You know I do." She pouted when her sister pulled it away.

"Only if you tell me what's wrong."

"Are you bribing me?" Kara asked in astonishment. She sat up straighter and peered longingly at her favorite food in the world.

"Maybe. Is it working?"

"Okay!" Kara cried out when she couldn't take it anymore. She watched Alex put the potsticker back in the container on the coffee table. "I haven't slept in three days."

"Yeah, I noticed."

Kara scowled when Alex ruffled her limp hair.

"And the lights?"

"I, I keep thinking the Black Mercy is still there," Kara whispered. She looked down at her hands and tried to keep her composure "Every time I try and close my eyes I see it. I see it falling on me and then I just…I wake up screaming."

"I'm sorry," Alex apologized softly. She took Kara in her arms and rubbed her back until she was ready to talk again. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you've been _ignoring_ me," Kara bit out harshly. She took a breath and looked at her sister apologetically. "Sorry."

Alex sighed and rested her chin atop Kara's head. "No, no. You're right. I have been ignoring you."

"Why?" Kara's voice broke and she couldn't control the tears any longer. "I know it was hard for you too and I wanted to give you space but, but…"

Alex could only wrap her arms around Kara and hold her tighter. She knew she wasn't hurting her sister but she felt like she was sucking the air right out of Kara's lungs. Kara showed no discomfort and held back, albeit a little looser since she knew what her strength was capable of.

"I'm so sorry," Alex finally whispered once her own tears subsided and Kara seemed to be calming down. "I should have been there."

"You're not a mind reader," Kara sniffled. "Although sometimes you think you are."

"Because you're so predictable sometimes," Alex pointed out with a grin. She reached for the cold potsticker and handed it over. "There. Enjoy."

Kara beamed and quickly zapped the food with her heat vision and popped it in her mouth. She glanced at the clock and grimaced when it was almost three am. The Netflix screen had since faded to black, obviously taking a hint once neither sister answered if they were still watching or not.

"Are you okay?" Kara asked once she finished digesting her food. She leaned back against her sister and peered up at her sadly.

"Yeah, why?"

"You're lying."

Alex could only shrug and play with Kara's hair. "I just have a lot on my mind."

"Like?" Kara waited for Alex to spill her feelings. "I don't have any food to bribe you with so I'll just have to use my puppy dog eyes."

"Maybe another night," Alex lied, lifting Kara into a sitting position when her legs were starting to go numb. She turned off the TV and yawned. "We need to go to bed."

Kara reluctantly got up and followed Alex all around the apartment while she shut off the lights. "Kara," Alex sighed as her sister grabbed her hand. "We're okay."

"I know," Kara mumbled, not letting Alex's hand go once the living room turned black in a matter of seconds. She felt her stomach drop. "I'm just…"

"It's fine," Alex whispered, leading Kara into her bedroom. "Do you want to leave the hallway light on?" Growing up, Alex had grown accustomed to sleeping with the lights on because the dark was something Kara was afraid of for a good year or so.

"No, no," Kara said, shaking her head with all the confidence she had. "I'll be okay."

Alex pulled down the covers and yawned again. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

After both girls brushed their teeth, Kara crawled into bed first and immediately pressed her body up against her sister's. Alex smiled and welcomed the contact, grateful for the distraction.

"I'm going to shut the light off, okay?" Alex said. She gave Kara a moment to be okay with it before flipping the lamp next to the bed off. "Still good?"

"I'm good," Kara mumbled, rolling over a bit so her head was resting on Alex's chest and her arm was across her sister's waist. "Are you okay?"

"Yep," Alex confirmed. She ran her fingers through Kara's hair and was relieved when her sister was still calm. "Close your eyes," she told Kara quietly when she felt her sister rustling next to her. "I'm here."

Kara could no longer fight the heaviness in her eyes. She closed them slowly and kept them closed once Alex's hands were running through her hair soothingly. She was safe. Alex was right there, her heartbeat singing her to sleep. Nothing was going to come after them.

Alex held off on sleep for as long as she could. She wanted to make sure Kara was _sound_ asleep before finally giving in herself. The past week had been a whirlwind and she never, ever wanted Kara to go through anything that traumatic again. Astra's death was a whole other ordeal Alex wanted to keep hidden forever. But she knew eventually she had to tell Kara. She deserved to know the truth.

Kara eventually rolled away from Alex and sighed contently, burying her face into the soft pillows as she mumbled something about Ms. Grant's latte.

Alex chuckled and finally closed her eyes, scooting closer to her sister once the kryptonite sword flashed brightly in her dreams. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and draped her arm over Kara's waist, burying her face into the back of her sister's neck for comfort.

She was glad sleep came easy for Kara. Her sister was safe and that's all that mattered.


End file.
